xoxo

happy birthday to the woman who gave birth to me roughly 16 years ago. :)

happy birthday mom. :)

with love, yayam

shrewd

maturity is when you're able to live at peace with something you cannot alter anymore, something you cannot change; like what he was, what he is, what he will be and what he will never be.



so am i matured now?

yesterday...

..i ate my very first UP fishball. i got addicted, so i went back to the fishball stand three times.

i promised myself i would only eat fishball on a very special date, para memorable. what was so special about yesterday?





the air was cool. i sat there watching hundreds of teenagers running around the field. some were playing frisbee, others american football. and on the left side of the field, the UP Sikad was practicing football, or others may call it, soccer. i miss soccer. i've played competitively in high school and i want to play competitively again in college. 'i want to play again, i want to make a goal once more,' i keep telling myself. my mind was drifting. suddenly, i was in another place, in another time. i looked around me and realized i was in tiendesitas. with him. and everything else seems to be a fairy tale...

i was daydreaming once more. that was the thing i missed the most.

so i walked along the acad to the gym and continued my fairy tale dreams. i passed by a fishball stand (one of the many fishball stands in UP) near the CHK building. i tried it. and there began my craving for more fishball!

so tomorrow..i'm going back to the fishball stand. :)

waiting, missing

i miss my friends in cdo. they're the best. i could freely talk to them without awkwardness and without hesitation. i miss hirits in bisaya. i hear tagalog like most of the day. we never speak in tagalog at home, and i lavit. :)

i miss my xuhs uniform, although i didn't like it that much. but our uniform is WAY better than the uniforms here in metro manila. imagine - sms (as in st. mary's yellow checkered pleats) skirts to polo dresses, pencil skirts + baggy poloshirts, SUPER baggy flesh polo dresses, royal blue maid-like jumpers. just - don't imagine na lang. :p

i miss our everyday chika, kulitan, and korny jokes that would always make me laugh. and up to now, the jokes still make me laugh. i don't know why. x_x

all of these are reasonable. since i dont get to see my closest friends (everyday) anymore, and i dont wear our uniform anymore, and i dont hear their jokes anymore. NOT anymore - but i keep on missing someone whom i get to see everyday. that's weird.

i get to talk to him, laugh with him, make funny expressions with him. with him, with him, with him. almost everyday. pero hindi ako nagsasawa. (why in tagalog?) sa bisaya pa, DI KO GAKASUMHAN. it seems like my everyday encounter with him isn't really enough. or maybe it is, but i just want more of him. haha.

sounds so unreasonable. yes, it is the worst kind. but hey, it's not a crime to miss someone. :)

do you remember?

i'm alone. but definitely not scared. during these times i reflect. what have i ignored the past few months? weeks? hours?

for a while i forgot that i have deadlines to meet. i forgot that i have to make studies and plates for next week. and for a while, i also forgot that i have friends whom i can trust. i cannot keep everything for myself because all my emotions can't be contained in a single nutshell.

i need someone to talk to. but i am alone right now.








and this is what happens when you find yourself having absolutely nothing to do. randomness.

click for a LARGER view. ;)

alive.

guys, i was kidding. i can't keep my life a secret, can i?




it has been challenging for me. but it's over. i have decided to end it myself, because no one's willing to give me an answer. well, no one can give me the answer.

i hope it won't bother me again. i've been dying to hang out with my guy friends. tomorrow, nina and ailene are leaving me ALL ALONE in our room.

I HOPE SOMEONE WOULD BRING ME TO TIENDESITAS TOMORROW. ;)

(i know you're reading my blog, you can't make an excuse. :p)

still wack.

it's hard to open my heart once more. well, actually, it's hard to close my heart 'cause it has always been open for a single person.

but i think it's time i realize how many daggers i've ran through other people's hearts just trying to keep them from entering mine. i've always been afraid of getting close to guys whom i think i can get along with. that was my mistake.

just this morning, i was talking with a friend. i was at ease with him. somehow, i felt a tingle - a sensation i never wanted to feel. i thought i could get away with it. i was completely ignoring him the past few weeks, thinking that they might make us an issue. and honestly, i don't want "those" days to come back and haunt me over and over again.

just thinking about it makes me cry. but i'm not going to cry again because I'M NOT STUPID...












only not smart enough to control my feelings...:(