coolness

it's so cool to have wifi everywhere. there's wifi at home, here in school (YES! i'm blogging in the UP LIB!), there's also wifi in admu (well, if wanna go there :p).

too bad i don't have a laptop. sheesh. i feel like a squatter having to borrow from my sisters, whoever isn't using theirs. x_x

anticlimactic

there's been only one person whom I can talk to about my ever so dramatic life. we just joke about it most of the time. but i know he understands me and what my situation is.

there's been only one person whom I can tell about my deepest secrets. and even though he might have almost slipped some of those secrets, i know he'd never tell.

and so far, there's been only one person who could make me smile so truthfully even though i don't want to. the only person who could make me laugh out of my misery. the only person who could truly understand me.

this is the reason why we're friends, and for the same reason, we are hurt.

i'm so glad you're living your life there. i'm happy that you're making the most out of it. you've made wonderful friends, but i hope you won't forget us. if things get worse, we could always end up together. haha. :p

when?

thanks for being a part of my life. whether you were a reason, just for a season or perhaps for a lifetime.

but i need to tell you this personally. it's kinda pathetic through blog. i wonder when. i can't tell whether now would be the right time. or it's probably too late for me. i'm not gonna expect you to change your mind. no one has the power to do so. i just feel so tied up. i want to free myself early so that when the time comes, it's easier for me to let go.

please don't let me suffer the rest of my life. help me.

coatables

"hindi ako sagabal sa inyong mga pangarap."

but do you have an idea what you just did to UP and other state colleges? you have destroyed the dreams of many. i thought dreams do not die in UP. instead, dreams died BECAUSE of UP; because they knew they wouldn't be able to afford UP, when it's supposed to be a state university. the premise that education is a right has also faded. education has become a privilege - for the middle class and those of the upper class who have the money. and GMA says she has alloted much for education last year and alloted much more this year. well, let's just see.

"i'd rather be right than be popular."

too bad it's the other way around. you're popular, yet you're always wrong. most of the choices you've made for this country weren't productive. and now you want to implement the human rights act because you want to fight terrorism. you say the NPAs are the terrorists, but does the military know why they kill people? who's the terrorist now? what happened to all those who disappeared?

you know it's not about the rebels. it's about the rights we're not practicing.

mali.

how do YOU chase your dreams?

why the hell would you even do that? it's YOUR dream. YOURS. and it's not gonna run away from you if you hold on to it. you have to make it happen because the moment you dream it, it becomes a part of you. dreams sustain you. it motivates you - to be someone, to make a difference, to contribute to the community.

don't run for it - run WITH it. and succeed. :)

back to the habit?

Back when I was in my sophomore year in XUHS, backbiting was a "barkada" habit. Not only did we share bad stuff about a person, we also created codenames so as not to be understood by others. We enjoyed it at first but when it created a conflict in the class, almost all of us stopped.

Spreading rumors is just like backbiting. Why do you have to tell others information you've grasped from other people even when it's not true? Even when they don't have a proof? I don't think it's fair for the person being talked about; especially when you know this person too well. Why not confront him/her directly instead of asking others about the truth?

Please, stop.

bente.

For 20 mysterious people, here's what I have to say.

1. For all the art lessons we had (some even took most your busy time), thanks. I wouldn't be THIS confident if it weren't for the both of you who kept on reminding me that I had the talent after all.

2. I hate waiting.

3. I don't hate you; because it wasn't your fault. I might even fall for you if I were a guy.

4. Why are you ignoring me now? Is it because I keep on teasing you to her? When it's obvious that you like me? (Uy, joke lang yung last part. :p)

5. I miss your texts.

6. Sorry kung pinaasa kita. I'm sorry if I pushed you away. You are super sweet; but I don't want to be treated like a princess.

7. I forgive you. Because I know your intention was to prevent me from getting hurt. But keeping that secret from me was like betraying me - you and probably the rest of the class. No one told me. I had to find out for myself, and that made it even more painful.

8. Next time you organize an event, make sure you know how to handle your group. You can't just demand from other people outside the group.

9. 'Wag mo kaming idamay sa mga problema mo.

10. You've seen me in my saddest moment. You were the only person who have seen me cried for one stupid thing. I hope that you now understand why I had to cut that bond which he and I started so long before. When you have a new point, tell me.

11. I like talking to sensible people like you.

12. I wish my life was as bubbly as yours. You don't seem to have problems all the time.

13. I miss watching basketball games with you, buddy. :)

14. Don't pity me. I hate the fact that you assumed something which I never declared myself.

15. Soulmates tayo...kasi we have the same dilemma. :p Hopefully, matapos na ang problema natin. I, Ya_Yum. ;)

16. Your "observations" were the best. I was never true to you as a friend. But you were, nevertheless.

17. I thought we had this connection. And then I realized I was only hiding from the truth. I hate myself for trying to steal you from who you truly love.

18. Don't act like you know EVERYTHING. I hate it.

19. You're stupid. And selfish. You were close to my heart. But it was you who ignored me from the moment we became an issue. You were always friendly, yet ironically, it was you who pushed me away. Never spoke a word, never started a conversation. Why are you so pretentious? I thought I was the one who was hiding from the truth. But while I was writing the last part of my '20 things,' I realized that all along, you were the coward. If there was really no understanding in the past, why didn't you want me to know? I hate the fact that even you, one of the closest people in my heart, would even try to hurt me. I hate you, and I hate our story, but I still wish that you give yourself more time before jumping to a conclusion. Thanks, anyway, to the only stupid person I know who could make someone laugh and cry at the same time.

20. Thy will be done.

yellow. stripes. and confusion.

the fact that i exist makes it unreasonable for someone to take another path in life.

and everything else that ramon told me last night made me look back to what i've nearly forgotten in the past.

i don't want to ruin someone's dream, neither do i want to change someone's vision for the world. but i also do not want to miss a 'chance.' that chance must be taken by me. there will never be apologies if i don't take it; only regrets. i don't want to live the rest of my life blaming myself for not doing anything. i fear the day that i will probably tell myself, "had i been more honest, i could've been happier."

but what can i do? the determination is so strong. it might look like i'm the devil for trying to stop it.

God is not selfish. the thing is - he responded.

wushu. :x

Why are you so preoccupied with looking back at your past, when your future holds so much promise?! There you are, wasting your time wondering whatever happened to that lost love -- while a potential new love is practically right in front of you, flapping their arms wildly in an attempt to get your attention! Turn and face front. Look at where you are going, not where you have been. The view is a lot more pleasant, and the possibilities are much more exciting!

-horoscope

mind the last sentence: THE VIEW IS A LOT MORE PLEASANT, AND THE POSSIBILITIES ARE MUCH MORE EXCITING. i wonder what this means. i hope it means "this new guy's hotter, smarter and will give you endless jokes to laugh about!"

and because of this, im loving school again, i daydream once more and im back to believing that soulmates wear shirts of the same color most of the time. :)